Never Rains, It Pours

Well, I've never seen a week go from zero to shitty so fast!

Darth Punkin started the week off coming down with "something". It kicked into full over-drive on Thursday night. Friday morning she's kicking out 102.3 degree fever, with a cough that would make a seasoned smoker wince. The fever bounced all over - up to 104.3 and back down to 101.5, then up to 103.1 - all in a day. Needless to say, she did not get to go Trick-Or-Treating.

The Meal Ticket was working OT this a.m.; came home early 'cause Darth wanted her to. The boy appears to be feeling somewhat ok, but the Meal Ticket and I are quickly catching up to the Darth. Casa del Shanahan seems to be celebrating Pork-A-Poolza! Bacon-Fluenza central!!!!

Not that it can be nailed down to it, but a general feeling of crappiness is running rampant. Darth's pediatrician feels that it could be the H1N1, but who really knows. Anyhoo..... the whole place needs to be quarantined. The booze is helping me, but the Meal Ticket doesn't think we should let the she-child self medicate.

The Dude, feeling just friggin' chippier, made out like a bandit. The neighbor (Dude's "girlfriend") and her husband (Dude's mortal enemy) took him Trick-Or-Treating around downtown. They brought back a bag for Darth, while feeling much better, was quite happy.

Enough of the "My Family and The Plague" crap! On to the truly great part of the week.

The Meal Ticket, having asked if I had heard from our real estate agent this week, proceeded to email her and find out how things were progressing with Rancho del Grandma - my grandmother's house that is quite close to being repo'd by the banks!

As much as the reply email was less than stellar, it was by all means the high point of the whole exchange. It seems the buyer's mortgaging bank called his employer to verify employment, employer stated that the guy (our friggin' buyer) might be getting laid off soon - or not. This came as a news flash to Mr. Buyer, when his real estate agent had to tell him this. Our agent informs us, that they are trying everything possible to get a co-signer and proceed with the sale.

This all takes place with a bunch of emails between the Meal Ticket and our agent, with me being cc'd. I finally get a call from the agent in the early afternoon - repeating everything, and more - that was said in the emails. Constantly reassuring me that the other side was trying to move forward. They really wanted to close this deal before the really cold weather kicked in.

Then the attorney calls.

Seems, unbeknown to our agent, Mr. Buyer's agent and attorney had contacted our attorney saying the deal was done. The bank was not going to give them the mortgage.

Some days, there's just not enough beer!


Then, you see a green crayon who's hiding his mask and super-powers; it makes up for it!

Adventures in Creative Writing

I don't know about most people, but I have a few throw-away email addresses for junk. You know, when you sign up for something but don't want to have your regular inbox flooded with crap - use the throw-away one.

Well, over time, I've acquired some very high quality junk/spam/scams. Sometimes, if I have the time, I respond to the scams. This one demanded a reply!

PHILLIP DAVIS

From:
Subject:	DEAR ASSOCIATE,Shanahan,
Sent:	October 26 11:31 PM

DEAR ASSOCIATE,Shanahan,

DO ACCEPT MY SINCERE APOLOGIES IF MY MAIL DOES NOT MEET YOUR PERSONAL ETHICS. I WILL INTRODUCE MYSELF FIRST TO YOU. MY NAME IS DR.PHILLIP DAVIS MANAGER IN THE ACCOUNTS MANAGEMENT SECTION OF A BANK HERE IN BENIN REPUBLIC . ONE OF OUR ACCOUNTS WITH HOLDING BALANCE OF 6.800,000USD (SIX MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) HAS BEEN DORMANT AND IT HAS NOT BEEN OPERATED FOR THE PAST YEARS AND AN ACCOUNT THAT BELONGS TO ONE OF OUR FOREIGN CUSTOMER LATE Mr. Marvin Shanahan.

WHO USED TO WORK AS THE DIRECTOR OF PRODUITS PATROLLERS (TOTAL BENIN ) OIL COMPANY COTONOU IN BENIN REPUBLIC WEST COAST OF AFRICA . WHO DIED ALONG WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY ON 25TH DECEMBER 2003 IN A PLANE CRASH.

VIEW THIS WEB SITE FOR MORE INFO: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3348109.stm

AND SINCE THEN NOBODY HAS DONE ANYTHING AS REGARDS THE CLAIMING OF THIS MONEY BECAUSE HE HAS NO FAMILY MEMBERS WHO ARE AWARE OF THE EXISTENCE OF NEITHER THE ACCOUNT NOR THE FUNDS. I HAVE SECRETLY DISCUSSED THIS MATTER WITH SOME OF THE BANK OFFICIALS AND WE HAVE AGREED TO FIND A RELIABLE FOREIGN PARTNER TO MAKE THIS DEAL.. WE THUS PROPOSE TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU, STANDING IN AS THE NEXT OF KIN SINCE YOU ARE A FOREIGNER AND YOU HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME WITH OUR CLIENT,SO THAT THIS FUND WILL RELEASED TO YOU AFTER DUE PROCESSES HAVE BEEN FOLLOWED.

IF YOU ACCEPT TO CARRY OUT THIS PROJECT WITH US, WE WILL OFFER YOU 30% OF THE TOTAL SUM, WHILE I AND MY COLLEAGUES INVOLVED WILL TAKE 70% OF THE TOTAL SUM. UPON YOUR ACCEPTANCE TO DO THIS DEAL WITH US, WE WILL JOINTLY EFFECT THE TRANSFER WITHIN EIGHT WORKING DAYS.THIS TRANSACTION IS TOTALLY FREE OF RISK AND TROUBLES AS THE FUND IS LEGITIMATE AND DOES NOT ORIGINATE FROM DRUG, MONEY LAUNDRY, TERRORISM OR ANY OTHER ILLEGAL ACT. ON YOUR INTEREST, LET ME HEAR FROM YOU. CONTACT ME AT; phillipdavis002@msn.com

REPLY WITH THE ASSURANCE, ALONG WITH YOUR FULL ADDRESS AND YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.

NOTE: THIS TRANSACTION IS STRICLY CONFIDENTIAL.

THANKS FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ADVANCE. PLEASE DO CONTACT AT

phillipdavis002@msn.com

YOURS SINCERELY,

DR.PHILLIP DAVIS

+229 97 31 05 43.

phillipdavis002@msn.com

DISCLAIMER:

THIS MESSAGE CONTAINS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION AND IS INTENDED ONLY FOR SPECIFIED ADDRESSEE. IF YOU ARE NOT THE NAMED ADDRESSEE YOU SHOULD NOT DISSEMINATE, DISTRIBUTE OR COPY THIS E-MAIL. THE SENDER THEREFORE DOES NOT ACCEPT LIABILITY FOR ANY ERRORS OR OMISSIONS IN THE CONTENTS OF THIS MESSAGE, WHICH ARISE AS A RESULT OF E-MAIL TRANSMISSION.

The dead guy with all the money actually has my last name!!!!! :O

Response:

Dear Mr. Davis,

Thank you so much for your message. As heart breaking as it is, we are relieved to finally know what has happened to our dear Marvin. He was a pillar in the community, well loved by all.

It comes as no surprise that Marvin came into such good fortunes. He was always one to go above and beyond what was necessary for the good of all around him. Having discussed it with the rest of Marvin's family, as well as his wife SpankXXX's family, I will be the one to represent him in these affairs.

Please, let me know how we can move forward with this as quickly as possible. We have decided that all of the money will be donated to some of Marvin's favorite charities: The Hair Club for Men, Cure-E.D., Friends of Rick, and Never Gonna Give!.

Marvin will be greatly missed, but hopefully, this money can be put to some good use. In a way that he would, not only approve of, but do himself.

Kindest regards,
Scott Shanahan

If you have half an inkling to click on any of the links I used - PLEASE, for the love of all things decent and just - DO NOT click on "Friends of Rick" or "Never Gonna Give"!!!!! You will hate me! If you do decide to go ahead anyways, please open in a new window!

You have been warned!

Basic Update

Life is still crazy. Darth Punkin has started Kindergarten (Kindy, as my Aussie friend Rob's daughter says), Dude is busy with two story hours a week and 2 days of pre-k/nursery school - soon to be three days, and I'm still waiting for a closing date on Big June's house.

On a sad note, we had to have Fido put down.


12 1/2 for a Rott says he had a good long run! If it wasn't for his hips, we'd probably still have him.

Fortunately, both kids took it well and understood the whys and hows of it all. Thanks to my friend "L" for his recommendation of Leo Buscaglia's "The Fall of Freddie The Leaf". ;)

Just seems life has taken over. Thankfully, there's beer.


Scott




On his way to a Last Supper cookout. R.I.P. Fido. :'(

I Think My Brain Is Melting

Ok, I had this great post almost done and then it got wiped. The wonderful "Auto Save" feature here on blogger then saved the blank post before I could get to the one I lost. So, after I give this a second go 'round, I plan on thoroughly examining the freakin' settings on this bitch! >:{

Seeing how I'm typing this all a second time, here's the abbreviated version:

The Meal Ticket got a promotion at the cube farm, and our mornings have been a lot less hectic. Her hours are now 9-5 instead of 8-4, which does really work out better for us. On top of that, Darth Punkin is hittin' up the Summer Pre-K to keep her momentum going from regular Pre-K into Kindergarten - as a bonus she gets to ride the bus. All last year I drove her to and from school, so this gives me some much needed extra time in the morning.

Now, we've decided we'd like to get up earlier than we have been. We'd have much more time in the morning to ourselves - her to get something to eat (instead of a breakfast bar on the ride to work), and me to walk the dog and do some reading and/or start working on the blog.

Easier said than done.......

First off, we have Dude who's sleeping habits have hit the proverbial fan. He hasn't been getting nearly enough sleep to let him function even close to normal - for almost two months! Then there's the dog. He's an English Mastiff-Rottweiler mix (read: not too friggin' small!) with a skin condition. On to the Meal Ticket's two alarm theory. One on the nightstand and one on the dresser - neither motivate her to stay out of bed; and until recently, both would go off for two hours before she'd rise to meet the day.

My goal is quite simple. I want to be in bed by 9, read a little, and then lights out by 9:30; alarm to go off at 5:30-6:00. So, if I can get my shower in by 8:45pm and not wake up Dude - so far, so good. Then get the Meal Ticket into bed around the same time, and get her to be done reading before 10:45 so the lights can be shut off and I can fall asleep - even better. Then, to hope the friggin dog doesn't have a scratch-fest that shakes the whole house (on my side of the bed, and unbeknown to the Meal Ticket who can sleep through an Atomic bomb) - I'd be golden!

Alls fine, fingers crossed, asleep........ until 2:00am to get up and pee and not be able to get back to sleep for an hour and a half.

This has been how it is for almost two months now. So even if my stars do align (and if they ever freakin' do, I'm playing every possible lottery game!), I'm going to be too exhausted to consider getting up early. Then, if I can manage to get up early, I'd probably be so out of my mind from exhaustion, I'd be out sitting in the shed or some such crap.

The worst part is, this was all going on before we wanted to start getting up earlier.

Sign me up for the remake of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest!!!!!

Trying To Be Healthier

The Meal Ticket and I have always been trying to eat healthier. Lots of fresh veggies and fruits at first, then more organic things as the kids came along. We try to get the all-natural/organic meat, as opposed to whatever is just on the rack; but we'd prefer to buy from some of the local farms and farmer's markets.

So basically, we are about 85-90% vegetarian. The biggest challenge is trying to come up with variations on old, meat-heavy favorites. Tonight was a perfect example. If you've ever had the old school Italian soup "Beans & Greens" (aka: Minestre), you know how meat heavy it can be. The basics of Bean & Greens is four things(and these are must haves): garlic (lots of it), Great Northern beans, escarole, and pepperoni.

Anyone who's ever had my version knows I go beyond the basic four ingredients. I start with a stock made from smoked pork neckbones, simmered for the better part of a day (or more). Then saute up some diced up pepperoni, salami, and ham. Throw in half a head of garlic, then add the stock and half a pound of dried Great Northern beans. Once the beans are cooked, I add the escarole - handful at a time.

Give me a deep bowl, a loaf of homemade bread, and a good selection of magazines in "The Office" - and it's all good!!!! ;)

Now, I made the healthy version of that for supper tonight. It has been raining all day, just dreary and miserable. So I decided on soup. I made garlic stock instead of using neckbones. Kale from the local CSA, as well as some locally grown German hardneck garlic. Some dried organic beans were in the cupboard, and some snausage (Italian flavored, tofu sausage) was in the fridge. Only other addition to the crock pot was some cooked ditalini. Some homemade French bread and a big bottle of red wine finished it off!

Darth Punkin loved it, and cleaned her plate; while Dude ate half his plate, but all the snausage. All in all, it turned out really well. Eating vegetarian is not as daunting as one might think. Any good recipes?

Oh Hai! I'm 3!!!!

Dude turns three today, but we had a small get together yesterday afternoon to celebrate. That would be his second cupcake, and he took to them like a dog to a bone!

It was real nice and low key. Our neighbor (Grandma Ruth) grilled a roast (Dude loves beef!), and had salads galore, and green beans (his other favorite). Real Grandma came over (the meal tickets' mom) and had a blast playing with both kids.

Seeing how Dude did not get a nap in, and the cupcakes eventually wore off, he crashed in grand style. After he takes his well deserved nap today, we get to go to the post office and get his presents from Grandpa and Grandma Linda! (Hopefully they did not send us more stickers! XD)

With all the excitement and food and presents, he's more thrilled about be able to pee standing up like a really big Dude! We're just happy diapers will soon be off of the grocery list.

Oh yeah, and we now have yet more Play-Doh to pick up.

Grandpa

My dad was a career military guy. Uniforms and short hair and all that. Several years ago when he retired, his inner outlaw surfaced. With a vengeance. Long hair, beard, tattoo. For a person who never quite understood what I saw in the Grateful Dead, he is now a huge Parrothead (aka: Jimmy Buffett fan, for those who didn't know).

Now my influence on Darth Punkin and Dude can be seen in a few very distinct ways. They know who Jerry Garcia is, and that he's in the sky with the angels, and when they play "Rock Band" they make thunder. They also know that Scarlet Begonias segues into Fire On The Mountain. ;)

They know who Gregg Allman is, and that he looks like someone famous - Grandpa.

Grandpa lives in a resort area near the ocean, and like most retirees, frequents the local establishments. On several of these outings, he has been mistaken for Gregg Allman. Until I showed him a picture of Gregg, he didn't understand why.

Grandpa and Darth Punkin

Gregg Allman

Then again, they thought Jerry Garcia was Santa Claus at first too.....but neither Garcia or Allman are as famous as Grandpa!

Dude For Sale!*

It has finally come to this.

It started about a month ago. Dude's schedule got all out of whack, which for an almost three year old it means everything gets turned upside down. For the parents, it's even worse.

In Spring, we had a huge amount of rain and thunderstorms - to the point we started calling it monsoon season. The thunder scared him to death, which would always appear at either nap time or night time. He lost a lot of sleep and became very, very over-tired. Then he started to not sleep at all due to his over-tired, toddler energy level.

Then, I started to lose more hair.

It all came to an ugly head on Tuesday night. He screamed from 10:30 pm until 1:00 am. Blood curdling screams. Nails on chalkboards times 10. All he wanted was for Mommy to come into his room. In the same manner a newborn screams when set down in the crib in need of attention.

We didn't want to keep running in there, thinking that if we did he'd just keep it up in order to keep us running in there. We were hoping he'd eventually cry himself to sleep or at least calm himself down. That did not happen.

At around 12:45 the meal ticket went in and gave him holy hell (in the most Mommy of ways). Ten minutes later, it was my turn. He then went to sleep. By almost 1:30, we had calmed down enough to fall asleep.

Wednesday morning no one was happy.

So, yeah, he's for sale. Seeing how we can't bring him back to where we got him from (there's a no return policy), we have decided to sell him. There really is no other option at this point.He's real cute once you get past him being an non-stop, over-tired toddler. Also, he's a great chic-magnet! He just no longer fits in with our lifestyle. A lifestyle that does require sleep on occasion.

Paypal accepted!

*disclaimer: if anyone who actually thinks I'm selling my kid seriously doesn't know me. :)

Capt. Bottomless and The Amazing Willie

It all started here. Life kind of got in the way, and so now we are, for about the past month and a half, pursuing potty-training with much more enthusiasm (more so with an overwhelming desire to not have to purchase diapers anymore).

Well.... Dude has the concept/basics down. He still is required to have a containment system on for naps and overnight, but otherwise he's got his Diego undies and anything else we can wrestle on him.

What we have noticed is, like probably most three year old boys, he will cry wolf while trying to nap.

• Dude: Daddy, Daddy, the pee-pee's are coming!!!! I have to go potty! The pee-pee's are coming!

Dad walks upstairs, yet again....


• Me: Ok Dude, let's go try.....


• Me: Ok Dude, make the pee-pees come out.


• Dude: oh Daddy....their sleeping....

Insert head into wall.

On the plus side, he will say when he really does have to go - other than nap time. But he will go - and take off everything below the waist - and then come out to tell the entire world what he's done. Bottomless.

Now, the truly funny part does not come with Darth Punkin telling everyone that Dude forgot his Diego undies, or the fact that he has his willie out, but when he tells you that, yes he really did give his willie "a little shake".

None of this bothers him as long as someone will help him wash his hands.

Very Crazy Weekend!

First off, Thursday night as we were going to bed, Big June's (that'd be my grandmother) nursing home called. She had fallen and broken her hip. We knew it was only a matter of time it would happen. During her many stays in the hospital, she would refuse any form of physical therapy - therefore she lost her ability to walk. This did not convince her though, that she couldn't walk.

They kept a chair alarm on her wheel-chair, and a bed alarm on her bed. She figured out how to either disable them or remove them completely. Then she'd make her mad dash for the T.V. room. Not this time.

All said and done, she made it through surgery just fine; and I'll get an update when Dude and I go in the morning.

On to Saturday! Non-stop driving/parties. One of the women who works with the meal ticket (my wife :D), was having a party for her son who is about Dude's age. Great time, great food (lots of authentic Spanish stuff), and of course we could only make an appearance there. Stayed for about 45 minutes, and then back in the car.

Had to get to party number two. The meal ticket's nephew was having a graduation party. This one was much closer to our home, which is on the far side of the middle of nowhere. Lots more good food. Ice cold Coronas!!!!! And some really amazing black bean dip.

The kids had a blast in the pool, so much so that I think Dude is overcoming his fear of the water. Then it was on the the living room where they had put together a slide show of John (the nephew/grad.). The best part of this was when they came to a picture of John and my wife - when they were both much younger - Darth Punkin just pipes up and says in the cutest voice "is that you Mommy?"

The whole room just goes "awwhhhhh......" It was really one of those great moments.

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!!!!!!!!! Two very exhausted kids. Two even more exhausted parents. Once they finally went to sleep, it was on to Coronas and some great homemade guacamole (recipe to follow). Darth Punkin loved it! It was not completely unproductive. I did get half the lawn mowed, and the meal ticket got a lot of stuff done in the gardens - with the help of the kids (pre-nap) in their jammies of course.

Eventually, and inevitably, I had charcoals turning grey in anticipation to cooking some form of beef. The meal ticket had given the kids a bath, and was getting them ready to bed while I was grilling a nice hunk of London Broil! All loaded up with the same type of seasonings one would put into a pot of chili! Grilled up some broccoli crowns too - which came out really good.

Dinner was delicious, the conversation was great, and the clean up was easy!!! Great way to end a very hectic weekend!

Guacamole:

• 4 avocados - peeled, pitted, and cubed
  
• 1/4 cup red onion - finely chopped
  
• 1/4 cup red pepper - finely chopped
  
• 1/4 cup fresh cilantro - finely chopped
  
• 1/2 lime - squeezed, at the appropriate time
  
• 3 cloves of garlic - minced
  
• 1 tsp fresh ground black pepper
  
• 1 tsp kosher and/or sea salt
  
• hot sauce - your choice and your desired amount - I make my own (roasted jalapeños :D) and I like it hot
  

Combine all ingredients into a really cool bowl. Mash the living crap out of the avocados. This is the important part: DO NOT TASTE IT NOW!!!!!! Believe me, you will not want to stop! Cover and refrigerate. Leave the house. Go get some beer and nacho chips. Go to that really good beverage center on the other side of town - take your time. Come back, put beer in cooler, cover with ice, open one (if you're me you'd insert a lime at this point). Get guacamole, open chips. Say hello to supper.

Major UPDATE

It's been a very long time since I have updated this - Real Life^(tm) basically jumped up and kidnapped me. So, I'm trying to get this back going now.

So, what the hell happened one may ask? Last fall we had my 83 year old grandmother move in with us. She had almost burned down her house by trying to light a menthol on an electric stove and left the burner on - for a very, very long time. The stove, much to it's happiness, no longer works. In addition to that, she pretty much let her house go to crap and was barely eating.

Well, after a lot of beer and talking, my wife and I decided to have her come and live with us. We figured she was nursing home bound anyways, so having a few months living with us beforehand might be good for her. The kids loved it, and she seemed to as well. The joy was short lived.

About three weeks into it, she got pneumonia. Probably had nothing to do with having to go outside to chain smoke menthols. Anyhoo..... ended up in the hospital for over a month, where she pretty much decided to just give up on everything. After that she went to a rehab facility/nursing home, because she could no longer walk from not doing any physical therapy in the hospital. She eventually got a little better but plateaued and was moved to the nursing home side of the place. She was in no condition for us to take her back to our house, and there was no one else who could have taken her in.

Now on to the fun part. Medicaid. Because she would not be going back home, we needed to get her on Medicaid. Trying to get together all the paperwork required from a woman who had no organizational skills (but had every Sears/Roebuck catalog ever in print) was nothing short of a miracle in and of itself. All this while trying to move everything from her house into ours. On the plus side, the Medicaid people were wonderful.

So now we have her house emptied and for sale (contract signed), and are almost done with that. She's doing well in the home - as well as she can. She thinks she's at a resort across from her house and that we live in her house. Not a bad way to think of it actually. And we are trying to make order of the chaos that is 50 years of old lady stuff - which isn't too bad once you get past the smell of 50 years of menthols.

Overall, it's really been hard on Darth Punkin. She doesn't understand why Neen (my grandma's nickname) moved in, then left for one hospital, then went to her new hospital, and then we moved her bed out of her room and moved all her stuff into our house. Most of all, trying to still explain why she can't come back.

Dude just takes it all in stride. He likes going to see all the crazy, old ladies.

Now, I'll try to do this blog a little more often, and as a bonus she bought me a new laptop - just don't tell her. ;)